this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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