i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
