I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the liver wants what the liver wants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
