then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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