Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
