non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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