i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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