He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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