god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
