i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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