I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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