Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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