the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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