In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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