I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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