dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's