his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.