Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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