at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.