Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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