Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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