you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
