i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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