just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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