I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize