Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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