well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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