i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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