you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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