God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
