Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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