i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
