I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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