I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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