Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
