I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
