NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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