Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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