Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need moral support for this bender
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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