So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
