My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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