Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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