just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
