I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
