I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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