Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
