in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
