There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
