Don't you send me to vm
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
North Korea, Best Korea!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
