yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
