Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
