Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
