We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
