Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
