If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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