So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
