So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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