i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize