i just wanna soil my oats bro
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
