guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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