my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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