I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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