I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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